Monday, May 7, 2012

Torn Between Good and Bad

Every week, I'm struggling with the tug of war inside my head whether I should go or just stay home to do my work, and to live my life as others. It is a tormenting decision!

If I go then I will be exhausted, mentally and physically! If I don't go then I will feel sorry and guilty with her image in my head that she sat there every day, waiting for someone to visit... I call on God every morning! I call on my dad's spirit! And I pray, pray for strength, and pray for courage to do what I must do!


I can't leave her, and yet I can't be with her! She sucks the living day life out of me, and all my thoughts became bad thoughts, which stayed inside my soul for a long time and ate at the core of my being.

I can't pray enough as God is leaving it up to me to fulfill my duty, and to carry out "thou shall honor thy parents".

Every week is a week of dilemma between to do what is right and to have sanity in my mind. The evil part is always much stronger than the angel part in me. The temptation to be selfish, to not care, and to release myself of this duty is somewhat delicious.

Today, I face this same dilemma as every day. To go or not to go? Can goodness overcome evil? Can I stomach again what I knew will repeat?

Joining Things I Can't Say!

Thanks for READING!

Posted by ~✽Mumsy✽~ at 10:03 AM
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8 comments:

  1. Could you maybe cut down on the number of visits to give yourself a break sometimes?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    1. Yes, I did cut it down to just one time a week now!

      Delete

  2. it's a beautiful picture, I wish for you to have strength and glad to know you have your break sometimes from going.

    ReplyDelete

  3. Sounds like a difficult dilemma. I hope that you find peace without guilt. It's such a balance.

    Thanks for commenting on my blog.

    ReplyDelete

  4. Hubby's mom had alzheimer's ... dreadful road to walk for all of us. One day the nursing home said 'go live your life & come occasionally'. Easier said than done, but wise words. May your love & strength endure what you are going thru but know that God is holding you up.

    Have a great week ~
    TTFN ~
    Hugs,
    Marydon

    ~GIVEAWAY end 5/13~

    ReplyDelete

  6. WOW, what a post and what a great depiction of the war that goes on in our minds.

    ReplyDelete

  7. I hope you find peace in your decision. I have not been in your position. Hoping things get better.

    ReplyDelete

I promise to visit you soon!

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In The Meantime

"Feel what you feel and acknowledge that you are feeling it. Before you reach out to avoid the pain, reach in and feel it. Feel any hurt, pain, confusion, or weakness. Feel your vulnerability and acknowledge that you feel vulnerable. Once you feel whatever it is that is going on inside you, let yourself know that it is perfectly okay to feel it. Do not judge yourself. Do not tell yourself you shouldn't. Feel it! Acknowledge it! Ride it out!

Express what you feel verbally or in writing!"

Iyanla Vanzant

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