T Is For Tradition
The Asian tradition is to honor and worship parents, particularly in my family, especially with my mother. She believes that her children owe their lives to her because she brought us out to the world. Now, we can debate this issue until we see double rainbows, but any discussion or challenging thoughts on this matter is useless to my mom.
We, the newer generations, have different idea and that is "you play, you pay" kind of attitude. None of us really asks to be born! We are on this earth by sheer accidents, and by the result of the adults' intimacy.
Not that we don't try to take care and provide for our mother; it is just her wrong conviction about our presence in her life that troublesome. She hangs on to us and bitterly complains if we happen to take care of our own children. To her, we have no responsibilities to our children, but they do to us, as we are to her!
It is an alienating thought on how we should expect our children to take care of us when they can barely take care of themselves yet. I don't know who planted this idea in my mother's mind, but it is no changing now. I do understand that as children we have certain responsibilities to our parents, and to help them with all that we can, but we CAN'T expect them to be responsible for our lives.
Personally, I believe that I brought my children into this world; therefore, I am responsible for them and not the other way around. If they want to take care of me in the future when I am old and crumble, it will be a blessing; not a demand!
Some traditions are beautiful and honorable, but when taken too far, they become ridiculous!
Thanks for READING!
We, the newer generations, have different idea and that is "you play, you pay" kind of attitude. None of us really asks to be born! We are on this earth by sheer accidents, and by the result of the adults' intimacy.
Not that we don't try to take care and provide for our mother; it is just her wrong conviction about our presence in her life that troublesome. She hangs on to us and bitterly complains if we happen to take care of our own children. To her, we have no responsibilities to our children, but they do to us, as we are to her!
It is an alienating thought on how we should expect our children to take care of us when they can barely take care of themselves yet. I don't know who planted this idea in my mother's mind, but it is no changing now. I do understand that as children we have certain responsibilities to our parents, and to help them with all that we can, but we CAN'T expect them to be responsible for our lives.
Personally, I believe that I brought my children into this world; therefore, I am responsible for them and not the other way around. If they want to take care of me in the future when I am old and crumble, it will be a blessing; not a demand!
Some traditions are beautiful and honorable, but when taken too far, they become ridiculous!
Thanks for READING!
Joining Alphabe-Thursday!
(Listed in Mixed Memories Series)
We all have to let go of our children and live our on lives the best way we can. I never mistreated my parents, but they did not act like they owned me for life either. Different cultures, just think differently.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting and thought provoking post!
ReplyDeleteThe Bible says that parents should save up for their children and not children saving up for their parents. I always thought this was interesting. We try and help our parents and our children whenever and however we can because we love them all.
ReplyDeleteTradition runs deep in my family as well. I hope the next generation keeps them going. Thank for sharing.
ReplyDeleteYes, no child asks to be born into this world.
ReplyDeleteHmmm. I think there a lot of mothers who cling to their children especially as they get older. I hope your kids know how fortunate they are that you have set them free. :)
ReplyDeleteI think that is probably true of most traditions. They are good to connect the family and pass forward culture, but can be problematic in the extreme.
ReplyDeleteThis awful. Of course we want to help our parents, and may even consider ourselves duty bound to do so, but not to the detriment of our own lives and that of our children. It has to hurt (a lot) to even know that someone would ask that you disregard all else to take care of their needs alone.
ReplyDeleteTradition has twin sides ... one beautiful ... the other ugly. Sorry you're stuck in the middle!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful shot. Nice framing
ReplyDeleteThe mother-daughter relationship can be so complicated to begin with. If one adds unrealistic burdens to another it can really damage it.
ReplyDeleteThe photo is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteMy husband's mother definitely believes that we owe her everything and even expected to move in with us right after we married even though she was living in her own place! Traditions from any culture can be tough in extreme.
Best of luck and love with your family.
I feel like you do Mumsey. I do everything I can to help my kids and grandkids and hope that they will love me enough to take care of me when I can't any longer....
ReplyDeleteI agree.
ReplyDeleteAs parents, we give all we can to our children and trust that they will want to return the favor one day (of their own choice and through the love we have given to them).
=)
I guess we can't argue with Mom. Your picture is gorgeous!
ReplyDeleteParents always are and will be most important. Even if they leave.
ReplyDeleteI think it will be hard to let go of JDaniel, but I will know God will always be with him and that will give me comfort.
ReplyDeleteI think it will be hard to let go of JDaniel, but I will know God will always be with him and that will give me comfort.
ReplyDeleteI think some traditions need to be let go when they no longer benefit everyone who is involved. I love my kids, and want them to come first, but if a parent needed help, I would do whatever I could for them, setting the example for my kids.
ReplyDeleteThis is a bit of a tricky subject. So I'll just say, gorgeous photo Mumsy!
ReplyDelete"On Demand" feelings aren't my cup of tea...
ReplyDeleteI DO feel that way about my mother, but she never asked us to feel/treat her any way in particular- just to treat all people as you would like to be treated, to be respectful, etc.
I cherish my mom, I couldn't have asked for a better one- I am fortunate.... I miss her bunches, as she is living almost 1500 miles away :-(
Stopping in for Alaphabe Thursday:
http://BragginRightsFinds.blogspot.com
Tracy
I have no expectations of my children taking care of me, although it's nice to think that after loving them a lifetime, they might feel inclined to do what they can in our elderly years. I hope you work this out for yourself, not for your mom. It's a heavy burden to feel resentment towards another, especially a mother.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to imagine anyone feeling differently than you do. I have heard of this practice of Asian tradition but it is hard to fathom as it is so different to US traditions. Your ideas of where your priorities should lie (with your own children) are right on. There is a thought out there that how you treat your parents is how your children will treat you...so stay a positive as you can bear! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteit is very Asian mumsy, i remember how my parents would have to defend or explain for me a lot whenever older people would ask me why I am not getting married yet and have children since who would take care of me when I grow old. My parents would come to my defense always explaining their equals (in age) that they did not have children to take care of them and that if ever I marry and have kids it is because I believe it is the best thing for me but not about thinking of having a caretaker when I get old. Somehow, in our tradition, it is hard to understand that parents should not expect anything in return from children, though we children of course, by love, always remember to give back to parents.
ReplyDeleteI love this. I am in my 40's and my mom still "takes care of me" in so many ways. She is a huge blessing. My hope is that I will be able to do the same for my kids when they are in their forties too.
ReplyDeleteI am also a believer That parents are responsible of Taking care of Their children...
ReplyDeleteThis is an honorable Tradition and I hope That one day, when I am older and begin to crumble(more), That my children will be There...
Thank you for This Thought provoking post for the lette "T"!
A+