My desire to keep everyone happy, working through problem, and simple togetherness took a toll on me as I now dreaded the gathering. Not that I mind holding or being the hostess for these unions; I rather think they were fun for all of us, until I was stepped on repeatedly, and being put in the situation where I feel imprisoned in my own house without a say!
There is a saying in my country, and it goes something like this: "It only takes one worm to spoil the entire pot!" I found it fits perfectly in my situation!
As a normal person, I set out a certain time slot for the gathering, and knew that time slot would be spent for that purpose. Then this person began to show up at 3:30, three hours before the party supposed to start. I have a bad habit of not being able to do my work or writing when someone (other than my children) is around, as I feel I have to entertain.
I can't sit and concentrate on my work. The presence of another person is so very distracting and uncomfortable for me to ignore. My thoughts scatter, and I am on edge with the idea that I'm being watched or judged.
My ability to hold these family gatherings have a very important purpose, and I can do it with no problem. However, when I feel like a door mat in this honorable function, the fun diminished, and I sink in irritable feelings. Still, I will have to carry on for other people's sake...
Thanks for READING!
(Listed in Mixed Memories Series)