This, however was not enough for me to change the way they perceived my worth, and often got disdained or tossed aside without a care of how hurtful it was for me to experience. I was disregarded with lesser respect than a garbage bin. Even though I did not seek for approval from their shallow mind, it was painful to feel so invisible, and got stumped on time after time.
The most agonizing period in my life was when an acquaintance of my father played match-maker for my sisters. One was 19, and the other was 13. I was the 17 years old invalid middle girl that didn't even exist in his eyes. He could look at me straight in the face, but couldn't see me, and ignored me completely as if I was a ghost.
No, I was not jealous with my sisters, but I was disgusted with this man on his behavior! He would find single men to bring over to our house, and introduced them to my sisters even if I sat tall like a mountain in between the girls. He skipped over me without a glance of acknowledgement. I understood the prospect of finding a mate for my older sister, but disregarding me to jump to my 13 years old sister was totally inappropriate and insulting.
Working through this period of unworthy and hurtful feelings was the toughest time during my teenager years when people continued to despise my human being, and I desperately had to find ways to crawl out of the deep dark hole. I held a grudge over this man's head till this day when I saw him on occasion at family reunion. Yup, I did exactly what he did to me, looked at him straight in the face, said no single word, and ignored his presence without even an acknowledgement of courtesy.
Maybe I was not a bigger person than he was, but I wanted him to feel what it was like to be disdained, disrespected and dismissed. He showed no compassion toward me, therefore, the favor was returned mercilessly!
Thanks for READING!
(Listed in Mixed Memories Series)